Marriage Roles and Relationships Chapter 11-15 notes

Chapter 11 Experiencing Parenthood DIY DNA kit?finds out who the father is? for about $30? for about $120 comes back about 10 days later with 100% accuracy Three things that Dr. Barber said that children need most: Being connected/attached to someone?someone that cares for you Some kind of structure/ rules Socialization?how to teach children the rules of society A sense of individuality?let children be who they are Nature- biological aspect Nurture- the environment Children are like wet cement?you have a little time to work with it, but eventually, you cannot make anymore adjustments to the cement?during the 1st 6 years Most fathers want to me involved little research on how fathers experience fatherhood Get most information from wife They either really care, or really don?t care Children learn through: Reinforcement?increase desired behavior More of a need Positive reinforcement is very important along with negative Punishment?decrease undesired behavior Teaching our children emotional control is very important, you have to have it yourself Types of parenting sense of responsiveness sense of demandness Parenting styles Authoritarian?very strict parents Permissive?let anything go, few boundaries, no structure Authoritative?in between? help you? more involved? they respond and have realistic demands Uninvolved Over involved Kids are like flying kites, you have to let the string out Blackhawk parents?do everything for you, focused on you all the time, very unhealthy Media really effects how a child views things ?Discipline? ? means to teach Greatest way to be a parent?love and respect Greatest lesson for children (0-5): how to get along with others Chapter 12 Marriage and Work 80% of wives will be working in 1970, only about 30% worked Intrinsic motive?you work at a job because you enjoy it Extrinsic motive?you work at a job for pay/approval Relationship between money and happiness in marriages There is no/little relationship between money and happiness Money doesn?t make you happy The number one stressor throughout entire life is finances Those who manage money better are happier Two mistakes most people make: that they will make more money than they actually will (overestimate) most underestimate how much things cost If women are happy at job = a good thing If women don?t like their job = negative Job strongly effects wife?s life It used to be that women had to choose family or work We can do both What destroys relationships? (3) money (4) division of labor- household work Has to be a sense of fairness Respect and equality?if you don?t have this? that is when problems start Attachment fathers?play Moms?do necessary things like change diapers etc? About 40% of wives who ask for help, get help Second shift?where women will work 8-5 and take a second shift with housework/ children?carry greater the burden For a $1.00 every male makes, a female makes $.75 Biggest problems in marriage and family higher rate of divorce higher rates of single parents If you want happiness in your job: flexibility variety Chapter 13 Abuse in Marriage and Families If you lost your job?you need at least enough savings to last you 8 months Domestic violence (abuse) physical abuse verbal abuse?things said to your significant other in public emotional abuse?said in private neglect abuse sexual abuse financial abuse Signs of abuse very jealous controlling very possessive problems with anger trying to isolate you from family and friends unrealistic expectations 1 in 4 families will experience physical abuse ? every 9 seconds, someone is abused - 20% of pregnant women are abused - 42% of women that are murdered are murdered by intimate other - 40% of girls and 17% of boys have been sexually abused before age 18 - 1/3 of women that went to the ER in Knox County in 2006 because of physical abuse Personality disorders Narcissistic?all about me? feel like they have a certain entitlement High level of dependency?fall victim to being abused Stockholm syndrome?emotional attachment? nice and then mean Stress brings out the worse violence Pit bulls- men that boil over get really angry and explode Cobras?no signs they are about to explode but they do Tension of building?walking on egg shells 12% of rapes are reported?the least reported crime in the US 80% of all rapes include alcohol or drugs Date rape drugs: GHB, rufinol, special K ( feel helplessness, amnesia, and willingness to go along 45 sessions for about $20 a session is all they do for sexual abuse Recidivissim rate?the probability you will continue your behavior after help 85% of men will return to the same behavior 7 times is the average time it takes to leave an abusive relationship Post dramatic stress disorder? 27/75 females said the most stressful time in their life was being sexually abused Sibling violence is the most common violence Difference in age is a determining factor in punishment Meghan?s Law- little girl who was brutally raped& murdered by a convicted sex offender now you have to register and it can become community knowledge Greatest fear of parents?abduction of child In Knox County there were 17,000 9-1-1 calls?46/ day 75% of middle school teachers will not report suspected abuse 60% of families will not report abuse TN ranked 5th highest in US to murdered intimate other Chapter 14 Coming Apart: Separation and Divorce *A LOT OF THIS WILL BE ON EXAM* Men are in abusive relationships because they choose to Women are in abusive relationships because are scared abusive relationships are like a crappy job abuse?being controlled emotional dwarfs?people who are abused are weak people women think of their man as a life saver Considered a divorce culture?outcomes of marriage?that?s just what happens 50-60% of marriages will in divorce In Venezuela it is about 5% Greatest investment in yourself in life is education If parents divorce, higher rate of divorce wives initiate divorce about 70% of time men loose about 30% of income from divorce, women loose 70% Mexican divorce?sends a rep down to Mexico and deal with your divorce Psychic divorce?have I retrieved myself from the divorce To screw up kids really badly?conflict in front of kids is very, very bad detrimental to development Most distressful time in life #1 Death of a loved one #2 Divorce (loss) Resilient?can easily bounce back divorce would be neutral palimony?where you break up with someone after living with someone and still get money after you break up even though you were never married How parents go through divorce will predict how children will go through divorce About 70% of spouse and 80% of children 6 years post divorce are doing well Children need stability in order to do well Chapter 15 New Beginnings Some people grow from divorce single parenting is the fastest growing family form after divorce, one needs to reorganize and developing a new identity step parents should really only expectations of the step children just to like them Discipline is a big thing with step families should be done by the biological parent