Book Notes Chapter 9 There are five important characteristics of appropriate self-disclosure: It is a function of the ongoing relationship, it occurs reciprocally, it is timed to fit what is happening, it concerns what is going on within and between persons present, and it moves by small increments. Intimacy - feelings that promote closeness, bondedness, and connectedness. The quality of a relationship is partly measured by the degree of intimacy It is both our behaviors and expectations about intimacy that are important There is an importance of a lack of intrusiveness: you need to respect others need for privacy, try not to be jealous, overreact, or assume you know the other person's wished better than they do A pronotype is - your mental image of any subject that exists as your own personal definition of a quitessential person, place, or concept such as a best friend, vacation spot, or marriage relationship There are three major attachment styles: Secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent Secure people are - comfortable with intimacy and dependence Avoidant - closeness makes avoidant people uncomfortable Anxious-ambivalent - people yearn for extremely close relationships, but have many fears about being abandoned an unloved. There are five types of sibling relationships - intimate, congenial, loyal, apathetic, and hostile. The need for affiliation may be seen as a continuum from highly affiliative to antisocial behavior Commitment is the resolve to continue in a relationship indefinitely and to make the efforts necessary to ensure that it will continue. Marriage is the one relationship we swear will be for life, and also the one that is least likely to be for life. There is about a 50% chance that a marriage will end in divorce Knapp's theory - if a relationship reaches the integrating stage, both people must intensify at least some aspects of their personalities and minimize other Triangular theory of love - Robert Sternberg of Yale University came up with the idea that love has three distinct components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Some relationships combine two out of the three components. There are six types of love styles: Eros, ludus, storge, pragma, mania, and agape Eros is a passionate love at first sight style Ludus is a game-playing love style. It often lacks emotional intensity and commitment Storge is a friendship based love style. This is not commited, but it tends to be long lasting Pragma is a practical love style. This type of lover makes rational choices based on rationality Mania is a possessive, dependent love style. These lovers can be very jealous and emotional Agape is a selfless, all-giving love. Love without strings or qualifications We have a need to dominance like the need for affiliation There are different characteristics associated with the needs for dominance and affiliation High Dominance, high affiliation - advises, directs, leads High Dominance, low affiliation - analyzes, judges, resists Low Dominance, High affiliation - agrees, assists, cooperates Low dominance, low affiliation - evades, retreats, withdraws There are three relationship structures: complementary which is based on differences between the partners; symmetrical which both partners are dominant or submissive; and parallel which is based on some combination of the other two structures. Parallel structures are the most flexible and common because they enable us to adapt most easily to the demands of new situations Status - the position of an individual in relation to another or others Power - the capacity to influence the behavior of others and to resist their influence on oneself There are four bases of gendered power: force, control of resources, control of ideology, and unequal or asymmetric, obligations There are some different behaviors that are associated with levels of assertiveness Nonassertive behavior has a sender with self denying behavior, allows other to chose, but does not acheive their desired goal; the receiver feels guilty or angry, and they acheive their own goal at the sender's expense Aggressive bahavior has a sender that is expressive, self-enhancing at the expense of others, and they acheive their goal by hurting others; the receiver feels hurt and does not acheive their desired goal. Assertive behavior has a sender that is self enhancing, expressive, and they feel good about themselves. They choose for theirself, and they may acheive their desired goal; the receiver is also expressive and self enhancing and they too may acheive their desired goal The effectiveness of assertive behavior will depend greatly on the relative strength of its rewards
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