02/23/10; Social Psychology (Szabo) Chapter10: Interpersonal Attraction: From First Impressions to Close Relationships Reminder: Students be sure to read all of the assigned Chapters as we go through the course. Test questions are based on the textbook and you are responsible for reading and studying it. Due to the volume of material not everything in the text will be covered in class. … “Love‖ means many things… In individualistic societies people tend to marry after having fallen in love not so much so in a collectivistic society where the individual must consider the wishes of the family and other group members. Attraction and how it happens: ―You are the company you keep‖ ―Like attracts like.‖ The people you interact with the most are more likely to become your friends and or lovers, nasty personal qualities aside. This is called the Propinguity Effect. In addition, the more exposure we have to something, the more we are going to like it-mere exposure effect. That is presumably why it takes longer to create a relationship via internet communication than it would off-line. On-line there is a physical and functional distance. We don‘t always become good friends with people we interact with as in a Closed-field situation as at work, or school (forced interaction). In openfield situations (free interaction) people choose whether they want to associate or not. Can anyone provide an example of an open-field situation? What can drive or fuel the propinquity are similarities. Research indicates that it is not complimentarity (―opposites attract‖) that brings people together. We all have things that are different about us but it is the similarity that brings us ‗closer‘ to another. I believe the educational psychologist, Dr. Phil McGraw, puts great faith in the 80/20 formula. If the person you are interested in romantically has 80 % of what you want and 20 % of what you do not and as long as the 20% are not deal breakers then it might all work. Social Exchange Theory: Have you ever found yourself saying, ―This relationship costs too much.‖ An application of the Social Exchange Theory to that relationship. How people feel positively or negatively about their 14 relationship depends on (1) the rewards they receive from it and (2) how much they think it is costing them and (3) what they think they should be getting in terms of a relationship with someone else. Relationship experts say that we should not have any expectations but invariably we tend to compare our present love interest to others we have had. At times contrasting and comparing can help us to justify and even feel confident with our choices in life. The happiness or discontent we experience is relative to what we have or have not experienced with other people. Comparison Level A person may stay in a relationship that may not be the best, but believes that all things considering is still the best match they can have. Equity Theory: This theory deals with the notion that people are happiest if they are in relationships where the reward and costs as well as the contributions made by both people are about equal. Balance is required in any relationship otherwise dissatisfaction can creep in quickly when one feels they are always the one giving and not receiving. Also, those on the receiving end, if not totally self-absorbed, will begin to feel uncomfortable and guilty. Love—what is it? Love can go through many phases and I believe most people would agree that the blood-boiling, lustful love we feel when we first fall in love cannot be sustained—or can it? Companionate love consists of feelings of intimacy and affection that does not have the elements of passion or physiological arousal. This love can be experienced within close friendships where there is no sex or in sexual relationships where the passion has cooled. Passionate love: I think most of us have experienced that form of arousal. Our every thought is filled with them. Our heart skips a beat when they are around and we become easily aroused physiologically. Codependent verses interdependent: the former is considered unhealthy in Western cultures the latter a better way of being in a relationship. Ways of relating in a relationship varies culturally. In a world of increased globalization the way in which we relate to people can take on a whole new meaning. Evolutionary Approach to Love: A theory taken from evolutionary biology that men and women are attracted to one another in such a way as to maximize their reproductive success. Women are attracted to men who can provide well for their offspring and men are attracted by a woman‘s appearance. Evolutionary Psychology: Explaining social behavior in terms of genetic factors. It explains the different strategies of men and women in romantic 15 relationships. Women need to ensure that their offspring will survive to maturity. Men need to ensure the survival of the species through quantity of offspring. Can this theory be applied to Western society? Men are more upset by the physical infidelity of their spouse and women by the emotional infidelity. Read over the various forms of attachment styles (what people expect of their relationships based on the relationship they had with their primary caregiver when they were babies: Secure attachment style, avoidant attachment style, anxious/ambivalent attachment style. Individuals with secure attachment styles generally have the most enduring, long-term relationships of the three attachment styles. Social Exchange in Long-Term Relationships—the investment model in addition to the social exchange aspect of the relationship add to it the time, and effort it took to develop it and what would be lost if one left it. Exchange Relationships: ―…if I give something I expect something very quickly in return.‖ Communal relationships are ones where the person‘s major focus is on being responsive to the other person‘s needs, even if they are not paid back. Divorce statistics are going down—why? Ending Intimate Relationships: Putting an end to an intimate relationship can be a very painful experience. Ending a relationship consists of a series of steps. (1) Intrapersonal: thinking a great deal about the dissatisfaction with the relationship. (2) Dyadic Phase: confront the partner, discuss, negotiate, an effort is made to repair the relationship. Look at the costs to both partners. (3) Social Phase: Bringing the breakup out into the open and sharing it with family, friends—slowly going public and going to a counselor. (4) Intrapersonal Phase: Analyzing the part each partner played in the dissolution of the relationship. Publicly announcing own version of the breakup. According to some studies neither sex initiates the dissolution of a relationship more than the other sex. Women appear to be more interested in remaining friends after a break-up especially if they were the ones who initiated the breakup. Men are not as interested. They are more interested in remaining friends when the decision to end the relationship was mutual. Remaining friends goes to an entirely different level if and when children are involved.